Have you too experienced hurt in a relationship when there is nothing you can do about it until you see the person you experienced the conflict with again? Maybe a colleague at work or someone you see in passing but do not have personal contact with?
My husband has a mild stutter. One that is often not noticed by others but nonetheless is there on occasion. My husband, after classes and therapy, has arrived at a place where he uses this part of himself to help others. A couple ways he does this is by guest speaking at speech therapy events and being led to people in our community, by the grace of God, that he can share his story with for encouragement.
Well, fun fact about me…when I’m offended or feel disrespected, one of my sin natures is to get mad. My husband, son, and I arrived at breakfast one morning, checking in at the hostess stand to be greeted by a young woman who took it upon herself to make an inappropriate comment towards my husband when he paused while giving his name. I share this story with you today with permission from my husband. When I tell you I was mad, my forearms were red. I can only imagine the expression on my face. Michael calmly guided me outside to wait for our table, assuring me he was fine, which I believe he truly was. But what about someone else who was treated that way? What about someone wrestling with a stutter and would carry those mean words with them, being impacted or hurt by them over the next day, week and, gosh I hope not, but maybe even month. I know when I’m hurt I can tend to carry things longer than I’d like to admit. Michael, my husband, encouraged ME (lol) to take a deep breath and calm down. I asked to go back inside to speak with the hostess with his blessing which he gave me. Assuming the best, that she was unaware of the fullness of the situation (being a stutter) and sharing with her what the interaction entailed. That my husband was trying to say his name before she rudely interrupted him to make a joke. Sharing so she would know and hopefully not treat another person that way. I would not have been as effective in sharing what happened, with the intention of educating to help her see how to treat people better, had I responded immediately. I needed to be patient, take a deep breath, gather my thoughts, and frankly calm down before reentering the conversation. When we are hurt it is hard to be patient, but sometimes patience is the only way to align ourselves with responding in a way that honors the Lord.
God says to "refrain from anger…those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land” (Psalm 37:8–9).
Hurt leads us to respond in ways that are just that, from a place of hurt. Patience, allowing ourselves to calm down to align our spirit with the Lord, asking Him for guidance, searching our hearts for what of our emotion is a response to being treated poorly and what is helpful, full of truth and goodness? In the right time, we will know when we can reenter the conversation. It may be minutes or it may be longer. Transferring our burdens to God’s strong shoulders first is wise and allows us to be more effective witnesses to His kindness. He is a God of justice and He will act. He will give us the courage to respond in a way that honors Him but sometimes that takes the hard work of stepping back first to be done effectively.
Father, help us today to practice our belief that you have gone before us and will guide us in our conflicts. You are a God of justice and you guide our steps. Help us to see opportunities to reflect your character more by being prone to step back and align with you before reentering conversations of hurt. Thank you for leading us away from anger and into a life everlasting with you. Amen.
- Britt Goff #wheatfulwednesday #wheatandhoneyco