How to find quality female friendships

May 29, 2019

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. – Proverbs 13:20

I’m a creature of habit. Every morning when I walk into the office I throw down my purse, turn on my computer, and head to the office watering hole for coffee and water. These morning moments are some of the most authentic and intentional of the day, so I’m always up for a good story or conversational exchange with one of my coworkers while I’m waiting for the Keurig to do its thing.

A few days ago, I had a particularly memorable conversation with an officemate about friendship. I asked about her evening and her eyes lit up. She explained how she’d had a coffee date with a woman from church who asked her to meet and detailed the great time they had.

“Want to know something crazy? When she finally got around to telling me why she asked me to coffee, she said it’s because she knew she wanted to be my friend.”

We both blinked back tears. This woman bravely asked someone new to hang out, and then she took it a step further and was real enough to tell her why. She desired good, fruitful friendships and she put herself out there to get them. She wanted to expand her circle with people who would build her up and make her better, and she took the necessary steps to do just that. She knew there was a risk of looking crazy in front of my coworker, and she pursued her anyway.

What an incredible reminder that good friends don’t just fall out of the air. Relationships need intention, attention, and TLC. And the best friendships require the courage to put ourselves out there (kinda like dating) and the vulnerability to be ourselves in front of a human who may not desire our friendship back.

Take a second and look at your friendships. Like the Jim Roth saying goes, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.” It’s so applicable to today’s Bible verse because if we’re surrounding ourselves with people who embody the godly qualities we should be pursuing, we’ll be on a better trajectory. And if the majority of the people we spend our time with don’t embody those qualities, there’s a better chance we’re going to be brought down.

All of this to say, if you take inventory of your “Top Five” and notice a lack in good character or godliness, or if you just desire more life-giving, two-sided friendships there’s something you can do about it. Start walking with the wise (or funny, intentional, kind, nurturing, encouraging, etc.)!

Ask someone from your church to coffee. Find a meetup of people who share interests with you. Try Bumble BFF. Tell that Instagram acquaintance who you admire that you want to be friends in real life. Whatever route you go to find and deepen your friendships, give yourself the permission to look stupid. Put yourself out there, and if they don’t return the pursuit then move on. Your next wise BFF could be the next conversation around the corner.

Challenge: Make a list of your current Top FIve and think of other women whose friendship you might want to pursue.

________________________________________________________________________
Jantzen Jolly-Miller is a small business marketing professional and freelance faith writer who is on a mission to help women get real: real with themselves, with their business, and with their relationship with God and His church. In addition to being the lead content writer for Wheat and Honey Co., she blogs about personal takeaways from her life and faith walk to help women create positive change in their everyday routines at JantzenJollyMiller.com





Leave a comment


Also in Wheatful Woman Blog

The Importance of your Testimony
The Importance of your Testimony

September 22, 2021 7 Comments

Your story matters. Each time we are brave enough to allow people in and share what we've been through or currently going through, we’re trusting God with our testimony and giving Him permission to use our story to showcase His power or move in someone else’s life. Keep showing up in faith, being willing to tell others about what God has done for you and what He’s teaching you. Keep opening your heart with courage and vulnerability.  Because it’s not about US – it’s about HIM. We are just ...

View full article →

What the Bible says about age
What the Bible says about age

September 15, 2021

There’s never a perfect Goldilocks season where you feel “just right.” You’re too young, and then one day you realize that you’re too old. There’s never an in-between.That is, unless you choose to believe that God can use you at ANY age for the plans He has for you.Use this as your reminder today that God doesn’t see you as the world sees you. He is not fazed by age-restrictions or traditional time frames. The Lord is never late and never early, and He wants us to trust His timing.When you re...

View full article →

How to stop people pleasing
How to stop people pleasing

September 08, 2021

We don’t have to spend our life trying to measure up or please others around us. When God gives us direction, we can move forward with confidence. Not because we think we’ll be popular with others, but because we have the approval of God.

View full article →

Join our email list for weekly Wheatful Wednesday devotionals!