How to find quality female friendships
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. – Proverbs 13:20
I’m a creature of habit. Every morning when I walk into the office I throw down my purse, turn on my computer, and head to the office watering hole for coffee and water. These morning moments are some of the most authentic and intentional of the day, so I’m always up for a good story or conversational exchange with one of my coworkers while I’m waiting for the Keurig to do its thing.
A few days ago, I had a particularly memorable conversation with an officemate about friendship. I asked about her evening and her eyes lit up. She explained how she’d had a coffee date with a woman from church who asked her to meet and detailed the great time they had.
“Want to know something crazy? When she finally got around to telling me why she asked me to coffee, she said it’s because she knew she wanted to be my friend.”
We both blinked back tears. This woman bravely asked someone new to hang out, and then she took it a step further and was real enough to tell her why. She desired good, fruitful friendships and she put herself out there to get them. She wanted to expand her circle with people who would build her up and make her better, and she took the necessary steps to do just that. She knew there was a risk of looking crazy in front of my coworker, and she pursued her anyway.
What an incredible reminder that good friends don’t just fall out of the air. Relationships need intention, attention, and TLC. And the best friendships require the courage to put ourselves out there (kinda like dating) and the vulnerability to be ourselves in front of a human who may not desire our friendship back.
Take a second and look at your friendships. Like the Jim Roth saying goes, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.” It’s so applicable to today’s Bible verse because if we’re surrounding ourselves with people who embody the godly qualities we should be pursuing, we’ll be on a better trajectory. And if the majority of the people we spend our time with don’t embody those qualities, there’s a better chance we’re going to be brought down.
All of this to say, if you take inventory of your “Top Five” and notice a lack in good character or godliness, or if you just desire more life-giving, two-sided friendships there’s something you can do about it. Start walking with the wise (or funny, intentional, kind, nurturing, encouraging, etc.)!
Ask someone from your church to coffee. Find a meetup of people who share interests with you. Try Bumble BFF. Tell that Instagram acquaintance who you admire that you want to be friends in real life. Whatever route you go to find and deepen your friendships, give yourself the permission to look stupid. Put yourself out there, and if they don’t return the pursuit then move on. Your next wise BFF could be the next conversation around the corner.
Challenge: Make a list of your current Top FIve and think of other women whose friendship you might want to pursue.
Jantzen Jolly-Miller is a small business marketing professional and freelance faith writer who is on a mission to help women get real: real with themselves, with their business, and with their relationship with God and His church. In addition to being the lead content writer for Wheat and Honey Co., she blogs about personal takeaways from her life and faith walk to help women create positive change in their everyday routines at JantzenJollyMiller.com