How to find quality female friendships

May 29, 2019

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. – Proverbs 13:20

I’m a creature of habit. Every morning when I walk into the office I throw down my purse, turn on my computer, and head to the office watering hole for coffee and water. These morning moments are some of the most authentic and intentional of the day, so I’m always up for a good story or conversational exchange with one of my coworkers while I’m waiting for the Keurig to do its thing.

A few days ago, I had a particularly memorable conversation with an officemate about friendship. I asked about her evening and her eyes lit up. She explained how she’d had a coffee date with a woman from church who asked her to meet and detailed the great time they had.

“Want to know something crazy? When she finally got around to telling me why she asked me to coffee, she said it’s because she knew she wanted to be my friend.”

We both blinked back tears. This woman bravely asked someone new to hang out, and then she took it a step further and was real enough to tell her why. She desired good, fruitful friendships and she put herself out there to get them. She wanted to expand her circle with people who would build her up and make her better, and she took the necessary steps to do just that. She knew there was a risk of looking crazy in front of my coworker, and she pursued her anyway.

What an incredible reminder that good friends don’t just fall out of the air. Relationships need intention, attention, and TLC. And the best friendships require the courage to put ourselves out there (kinda like dating) and the vulnerability to be ourselves in front of a human who may not desire our friendship back.

Take a second and look at your friendships. Like the Jim Roth saying goes, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.” It’s so applicable to today’s Bible verse because if we’re surrounding ourselves with people who embody the godly qualities we should be pursuing, we’ll be on a better trajectory. And if the majority of the people we spend our time with don’t embody those qualities, there’s a better chance we’re going to be brought down.

All of this to say, if you take inventory of your “Top Five” and notice a lack in good character or godliness, or if you just desire more life-giving, two-sided friendships there’s something you can do about it. Start walking with the wise (or funny, intentional, kind, nurturing, encouraging, etc.)!

Ask someone from your church to coffee. Find a meetup of people who share interests with you. Try Bumble BFF. Tell that Instagram acquaintance who you admire that you want to be friends in real life. Whatever route you go to find and deepen your friendships, give yourself the permission to look stupid. Put yourself out there, and if they don’t return the pursuit then move on. Your next wise BFF could be the next conversation around the corner.

Challenge: Make a list of your current Top FIve and think of other women whose friendship you might want to pursue.

________________________________________________________________________
Jantzen Jolly-Miller is a small business marketing professional and freelance faith writer who is on a mission to help women get real: real with themselves, with their business, and with their relationship with God and His church. In addition to being the lead content writer for Wheat and Honey Co., she blogs about personal takeaways from her life and faith walk to help women create positive change in their everyday routines at JantzenJollyMiller.com





Leave a comment


Also in Wheatful Woman Blog

Do The Next Right Thing
Do The Next Right Thing

September 23, 2020

When we take steps in our faith we are still moving forward. At times, I know it can seem like all you’re doing is taking steps backward because you still don’t have your answer “why”. In my journey, I didn’t get my why until the very end. I learned really quickly how much easier it is to stay faithful and fight for things when you're certain you will obtain your desired outcome.  But God kept calling me to take one step more. One of the biggest “why’s” I took away from my journey God gave m...

View full article →

Overcoming Fear and Anxiety with Truth
Overcoming Fear and Anxiety with Truth

September 23, 2020

“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” - Matthew 6:27   We were never meant to be slaves to worry. Jesus came so that we may have life in abundance. He came to set us free, not just for our eternity in heaven but also during our time on earth. And while I haven’t fully conquered my fear of the future, there are ways for you and me to overcome our fear and anxiety through our faith, and reduce the amount of time we allow worry to steal our joy.

View full article →

Living a Life of Purpose
Living a Life of Purpose

September 16, 2020

Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come, we worship you in spirit and in truth. We magnify Your name, alone. Thank you for choosing us. Break our hearts for what breaks Yours as we do our best to emulate Your coming not to be served but to serve. Help us to be willing vessels for Your will. We love you Jesus. Amen. 

View full article →

Join our email list for weekly Wheatful Wednesday devotionals!